Before I had my first child I remember having visions of what sort of a mother I would be. Truth be told I have been having visions of what kind of a mother I would be since I was 5. It was my number one life goal for as long as I can remember.
Growing up I idolised my own mother and wanted to be just like her; a stay at home Mum with 4 kids. She was and still is the best Mum anyone could ever ask for. But until fairly recently I thought that in order to be as good of a mother as her, I had to be a mother just like her. I think I have to confess that during my pregnancy with Mason I made comments to my husband, mother and close friends that I thought parents who used controlled cyring or Save Our Sleep were cruel, I thought breastfeeding would be easy (Bahahahaha) and I thought I would be a stay at home mum at all costs and not put my children in daycare. Ohhh the naivety. Please try not to judge me, I had nooo idea!
When Chloe was two months old I kind of reluctantly took on working from home. I was lucky because thanks to my parents I had an opportunity to work from home which meant I didn't have to leave my babies to go in to work. But over time working from home became frustrating because it can feel like you are always working and I began resenting having to work at all. I felt as though I couldn't be as good of a mother and wife as I wanted to be if I wasn't focused 100% on my kids and husband all the time and doing all of the housework myself. I ended up becoming quite frustrated and angry with the situation.
I recently decided to try going into the office two days a week which has not only given me some time outside of the home, but has also given me my evenings back! Since November last year, most nights of the week I have put the kids off to bed, finished tidying up and then started work. I feel so much more calm and relaxed now that I am getting some time to chill after the kids go to sleep. I feel like this new routine is actually making me a much better wife and mother. I am a little more calm and less highly strung because I am not constantly so overwelmed!
So this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I thought of becoming a Mum and I have fought against it for a while, but now that I have finally given into working 2 days a week, it's really not so bad! I've come to realise that every Mum is on their own journey to find what works best for them and their family. I don't have to live up to the expectations I had of being a Mum before I even became a Mum! In fact, I now swear by Save Our Sleep, Breastfeeding was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I use daycare and work 2 days a week! hahaha I'm sure there is a saying about exactly this kind of irony, but I can't think of what it is...
Did you have a vision of what kind of a parent you would be? Does your reality look different too? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you :-)
Sophia xo
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